If you've been following along with my and Isaac's newest adventure, you know that we felt called to make some huge changes in our lives, a few of which include changing careers, giving away most of our stuff, and buying an RV to live life out on the open road.
Now, before embarking on this journey, we did everything good little Christians do: we prayed about our decisions, evaluated whether or not our choices aligned with scripture and our ultimate goal to glorify God, sought wise counsel, and finally, acted in faith. Honestly, at first it was a whole lot more fun than sacrifice. We LOVE love our new little home and the simplicity of having a LOT less "stuff" to clutter our lives. But, as Aristotle taught us, a journey isn't really an adventure without the ups and downs.
Isaac worked his cute little booty off to get one of the hardest and most valuable certifications for the job he wants. Everyone told us that pipelines can't keep enough Certified Welding Inspectors, and that we would have our pick of jobs. People in the business have stuck their necks out to connect us to the right people and help us open doors. We decided not to renew our contracts with the school because we didn't want to be dishonest to our employers about our plans and we DEFINITELY didn't want to risk ditching 150+ students each so that we could pick up and switch jobs when one comes along. We really strove to do the right thing by our employers, students, and other teachers who could fill our positions.
And yet, it's been almost three months and we still have no pipeline job to speak of.
I don't need to go into the details of our personal lives for you to know that there have been many nights around our house full of tearful prayers and pained attempts to shake the feeling that we have failed miserably. We try to at least take turns being the strong and encouraging one, but truthfully, this season is really tough for both of us. We believe very strongly that God led us down this path, but why is this happening?
Now, I have sat in many churches and across many cups of coffee with believers and relished in the joy that comes with sharing how faithful God is to bless us when we take a "leap of faith." He is so good! But what happens when you take that leap of faith and nothing happens? No one ever really preaches about jumping out in faith because you just KNOW God will catch you only to end up hitting the pavement with a big fat SPLAT. (Or at least, that's how it feels, right?)
I'm not writing this post to complain or elicit sympathy. God has really been laying these words on my heart because I have a very strong feeling that that there may be others who have struggled with this-- and through far worse circumstances than ours. I have a feeling that deep down, in the places within our hearts we don't like to talk about, most of us have had the moments that sound like,
"I tithed, believing God would provide, and the ends still didn't seem to meet."
Or
"I did the ethical thing, knowing God honors those who thirst for righteousness, and the lying cheater won out."
Or
"I submitted to my husband like the Bible says, but it seems like it was the wrong choice."
Or
"We painted the nursery blue, but with heavy hearts we came home from the hospital only two."
...and a million other examples.
In reality, this part, the hard, painful, "oh my gosh, has God forgotten about me" part, is typically the middle of the journey, not the end. The happy stories we hear from the pulpit are viewing these trials in hindsight. However, as a person in the midst of the struggle, I have been begging for God to talk to me about THIS place we're in, right here, right now. And He did.
You see, in spite of myself, I allowed my hopes and dreams--even the "godly" ones--to redefine what faith really is. As a result, I have been believing a lie that has acted as a breeding ground for a lot of pain and doubt. When I start believing that God owes me something because of my "super spiritual" faith-filled actions, I've begun to worship a genie, not an all-knowing, good and perfect FATHER who loves me enough to give me what I truly need rather than what I think I do. As a result, I unwittingly fell into a "prosperity gospel" mindset, which can lead to disappointment, disillusionment, and discontentment. Acts of faith are not a way of paying off God so that He will give us what we want. (I know we already know this, but I'm wondering if I'm the only one who knew it in her head but forgot it in her heart.) Faith is trusting God enough to know that He is working out a plan for our good and His glory (Jer. 29:11, Romans 8:28) even if it's not what we pictured!
So, as a reminder to myself and any others who may need this encouragement, here are some truths God has been laying on my heart about what real faith is (and is not):
1. Faith is not passive
True faith doesn't just happen. It requires action. Confession 1: I am deeply annoyed by people who assume that they have no responsibility over their own lives because "God will take care of it." If you can't pay the bills, DO SOMETHING. Trim the fat from your budget,
get a job, change jobs, something. Sitting around doing nothing because
"God will take care of it" makes about as much sense as practicing
abstinence and expecting to get pregnant. While God can do anything, He created us with higher thinking and reasoning skills for a purpose. Even having the faith to wait on God requires action. He has us waiting for a reason, and if Isaac and I aren't actively seeking His will for this time, we will miss out. When we are not actively bathing ourselves in the truth of God's goodness, our faith begins to fade, or worse, morph into something false.
Our time here is a gift and a vapor, so we must be concertedly acting in faith.
2. Faith is not a trick.
Many people are reluctant to practice active faith because they are afraid they may do something "outside of God's will". I have definitely been guilty of this. I know I have a decision to make, but I don't want to choose the wrong thing, so I just passively wait around hoping that God will send me a sign or just work things out. Throughout this season, I have caught myself wondering if God is disciplining us for making a bad decision or not being godly enough. Unfortunately, when we believe this, we are subconsciously assuming that God is just some Punisher in the sky, waiting to inflict his wrath at our first misstep. God loves us. He is not trying to trick us so that he can say "I told you so." God gave us the Bible to guide us through the rights and wrongs, but he gave us a brain to guide us through the rights and lefts. If there is a decision to be made, and we have tested our options with scripture and know that all are godly, biblical possibilities, then we can choose and act with confidence. We see an example of this in Acts 16 when Paul takes steps to minister in Asia, but God closed the door and steered him towards Macedonia. It was not a sin for Paul to choose the "wrong" option. God gave him the freedom to do that and honored Paul's actions by steering him in the correct direction. God is loving and faithful to guide us towards His plan. How can he steer us if we won't put the car in drive?
3. Faith looks foolish to the world.
Confession 2: I have been really reluctant to publish this post because I feel a lot of shame. Thoughts like, "People will think we were being dumb." or "What if people think I'm an idiot or not godly enough to hear the Lord correctly?" have been continuously passing through my mind. We have avoided phone calls and get-togethers with our family and friends (sorry!) because we feel embarrassed. We don't want to look like failures. I wish I could say that our fears are completely invalid, but according to scripture, they are not: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Cor. 1:18. Faith at it's most basic and core level, looks like idiocy to people who don't know Jesus. If just the message of the cross is foolishness to the world, then OF COURSE centering your major life decisions around faith in this message is going to bring about some judgmental glances and scoffs.
Here's the good news: other believers, (you know, those people we've been shamefully avoiding) CAN understand. They are walking the same walk we are, even if the circumstances look a little different. God encourages us to walk with other Christians because we are going through the same things and can encourage each other. The few people who we actually have shared our gory details with have loved us, prayed for us, and spoken truth into our lives. Yes, the world may think our decisions are silly or stupid, but God knows our hearts and has sent us a lot of really great people to walk this journey with us.
4. Faith is not actually foolish.
I wouldn't be doing my readers justice if I didn't at least briefly address this one last point: taking a leap of faith does not mean acting like an idiot. Yes, we gave away our stuff and quit our jobs, but we are not sitting around crying all day hoping that our bills get paid. Isaac is working long, hard hours everyday in the heat doing construction like a champ. Regardless of how God has responded to our prayers and actions, Isaac knows his role as a provider and leader in our home, and he does not take it lightly. I am about to start substitute teaching. We send out his resume to countless companies over and over again every single week. Our faith may look like foolishness to the world, but that doesn't warrant us to actually act foolish. It is not a license to behave recklessly, neglect our responsibilities, cultivate our laziness, fail to plan, or make excuses. Wisdom and faith go hand in hand.
So, that's where we are. I hope sharing these things has been encouraging and helpful. You are not alone. G.K. Chesterton once said,
"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."
He was right, and God is good.
While we covet your prayers right now, I cannot end without telling you that there are many good things going on right now. In my next post, I'll be letting you know why camper life is the best ever! :)
